2 Months old

Yeah, she's having a chubby face day, but we just have to take what we can get from these babies...their fluid weight varies dramatically.

Don't let the bug eyes trip you out. She can't really see out of them and I am just glad they are both looking generally in the same direction. :)

No clothes today (broken right arm...yes, she is babying it, how do they know to do that?) but the hat is from Grandma L and the booties from Grandma E so I thought it was fitting.

I am feeding her...in my hand is her gavage tube that runs through her nose...she is such a good sucker that we might try nippling sooner than normal...maybe this week. The nurse has been putting breast milk on her pacifier and she smacks it down...literally. It is so cute!

For all the Vikings fans out there, I finally hung the jersey so the losing streak should end this week. Everyone loves the baby pea pod we hung inside her incubator.

Our friends 5 month old girl. I never think K is small until we get around all our friends...why do we have so many tall friends? Her dad is 6'9" and mom is 6'1".

I think you can see all six teeth in this one. Two on top and four on bottom.

Do you seriously wonder why we call her "our little old man"? The NICU needs to fire their barbers and get some hair stylists instead. Wendee? Where are you? Save my baby's hair!

Whew!

So I think I am full of good news today. PTL!
1)Kylie is better and acting like her normal self again.
2)I am feeling good...it must have been food poisoning...never thought I'd be glad to have food poisoning!
3)Since I don't have the flu, I can go visit E today if my aunt and uncle can in fact watch K.
4)I can still hold E even though her arm is broken. We just have to be more careful.
5)EG is 3 POUNDS, 3 OUNCES!! We are in the three pound club officially (been over for a few days so we think she is staying). And, she is 15.25 inches long. Let's all remember that she started at 1 pound, 6 ounces and 11 inches long. What a big girl!
6)They have moved E's feedings up to 5cc every three hours. That means she is eating a little over an ounce a day.
7)They are doing PT on her feet (they are turned in at the ankles) and are trying to start reversing "toaster head" (the shape of her head is flat on the sides and tall in the middle because they could only lay her in two positions while on the jet vent). Why is this good news? She is doing well enough that they can turn some of their attention to the less important issues going on.

Thank you for your prayers! I will get a "2 month" picture while I am there tonight...I hope.

It's raining, it's pouring...

Let me share my 'wonderful' news with you. Emily has a broken upper right arm. They don't know what caused it but "in babies this sick (why do they always have to say that?) it is not unusual because they are so fragile and even a twist of their arm to get an IV in can do it". The bones are still lined up so they don't have to immobilize her yet but they will watch it carefully to make sure it stays that way. I have no idea when I will get to hold her again. They went back and looked at old x-rays and it happened before I started holding her, so I did not do it. Thank the Lord!

Last night we went out for supper and I have been sick ever since. I can barely get anything down and I feel really off. Either I got food poisoning or it is another round of the flu. So, not only will I not hold Emily, I won't be visiting either.

In better news: Emily is actually doing pretty well...they are increasing her feedings and leaving all her other stuff alone. They are just hoping she can start putting on weight and growing a little. Kylie is doing really well and seems to be her normal self except she is still not interested in food...oh wait, that is her normal self too. :) It IS my birthday. Happy Birthday to me and Casey and Heidi and Rick. AND, Emily is 2 months old today. I will get her monthly picture next time I can go in.
I think today we need a pic to make us feel better. God Bless you all!

Christmas

It is definitely time to post a few holiday pics. This is K helping mommy make Grandpa's Christmas card...yes, it was a great bonding time for the two of us. :)

Ok, that's more like it...she just doesn't want to be made to do something. I have no idea where she got that from.

Such a good helper.

She didn't feel well but if it means Grandpa gets to cuddle a little, I guess all is forgiven.

She's still not sure about presents...and her birthday is coming up in three weeks..uh oh.

Never fear, when you don't know what to do with a toy, your cousin is here. I can't wait for K to do this to Em next year!

He's got the look!!

I was sitting here pumping when I realized just how much I am bracing myself for the next downturn in Emily’s health. I know she is doing well, but I also know there are more ups and downs to come. But what struck me – again (just deeper) - is the harshness of the impact of living day to day in the unknown of your child’s health and even life. It has been amazing to hold her and finally feel, at least a little bit, like a mom, but it is in this joy that the contrast displays itself even more clearly. I find myself cycling through the same struggles as early on, but at deeper levels. This time around, it is the issue bonding and freely holding all my love out there for her without letting the fear of her leaving me hold me back. But that isn’t why I am writing today, just wanted to let you know where I was at to give you context.

Tonight, I read Psalms 9:9,11: “The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble… Sing praises to the Lord, enthroned in Zion; proclaim among the nations what he has done.” This reminded me that at church the other night, we sang a song about God being our strong tower and the righteous run to it and are SAFE…and I wrote these words in my notes: “There IS safety in our God. That is EXACTLY what it is – safety. He is ALWAYS there for us. For some reason I have always had this lingering doubt or fear that maybe, somehow, someday I will go through something or do something and it will be too much and maybe this time he won’t be there for me. What a ridiculous thought! And yet I buy into it. What is the TRUTH? The truth is that he has NEVER left me. Each time I go through something that is worse than the last, his presence is even more real. So real, I can’t deny it. In this time when my world has CRASHED around me, he has been right here, making sure I KNOW he has me. And that peace, that sense of comfort, the overwhelming reality of his presence, has been even stronger this time around.”

And THAT is why those of us who are going through tough times MUST proclaim the goodness of God to everyone else. It is not that we can’t know these truths in good times…we can and we do, but it is in these bad times that it is impossible to deny the truth. And in our set convictions, we must remind others. It is when we are comforted by his spirit alone and there is no confusion, that no matter what our pain, we must declare to others …He’s still here! Don’t doubt. No matter where you go or what you do, He will be there. He won’t let you go. He can’t let you go.

And the end result is inevitable; we MUST praise him…not because we think everything is great but because he is God. Because he is faithful. Because he is who he says he is, and therefore he deserves praise…period. Our lives and the crap we live in here have no bearing on how much or how willingly we offer our praises to our Father. He is worthy of praise, therefore we give it to him. Praise him on the mountaintop and praise him in the depths. I am just here to remind you that he WILL be there and he IS there, so praise him now. Don’t wait for whatever it is you are waiting for. He deserves your praise in this moment.

Even now, as I reread this, I am ‘convinced’ that Emily will tank because I have written this. I want not to post it for fear of the resulting attack and the fear that I can't handle anymore and maybe if I lay low, I will be safe. What an evil temptation to believe. First, I choose not to live in fear. GOD is in control. What I have written is truth and it stands. Second, GOD is my strong tower. I will run to HIM and I WILL BE SAFE.

Perspective

Yes, I got to hold her again today and she did much better...that means she laid still and her oxygen levels stayed high. It was probably because I wasn't so nervous. :) Today we took some perspective pictures. This is her incubator and all the equipment being used to monitor her.

This is her compared to a twenty dollar bill. Yes, those are clothes...wearing her first shirt.

This is how I look at her wile we are cuddling.

And just another of her...for those who are noticing, she is still on the canula. They left her on after I left cause she was doing well and it is 24 hours later and she is still on it.

Great Day!

No your eyes do not deceive you...that is me holding my baby!! 7 weeks and 2 days after we were separated, we finally got to cuddle again. She's getting so big! It was so nice just to feel her breathe and twitch.

I have so many more pics but since it is called skin-to-skin for a reason, they cannot be posted. If you would like me to email you a couple, you can at least see how big she really is (don't worry, I have a bra on), send me a request via email and I will attach them.





For those who notice, she is only on the canula (smaller breathing tube) so I could hold her...she won't stay on it as she is not ready to step down yet. Pray for her nose though as her nasal septum is deteriorating on the other vent and she needs to get off it. Otherwise, all seems well.

Kylie, on the other hand, who has not eaten (solids) in 36 hours, has now graduated to vomit and diarrhea and apparently ALL these symptoms can be attributed to teething?!? Really? I have my doubts and the lack of sleep is pretty ridiculous. Even her crying right now can't dampen my spirits though...better go get her. Have a great day!