QT and Working Out

So I have been trying oh so very hard to find a consistent time when I can not only work out but also have a quiet time. I have stubbornly tried several different schedules with the latest one being to get up at 5am and ‘fit them in’ before either child wakes up. Sadly, I can’t seem to keep my eyes open that early, even to work out (I fell asleep while stretching). I may be stubborn, but this morning, after a night of K teething, I accepted that two little babies and a rock solid schedule just may not happen.

There are two problems here. The first is that I don’t like to do things 'half-way', shall we call it. If I am going to do something, it is all or nothing cause half-way seems worthless to me. So when I work out, I’d rather not go than go and have a weak effort. When I start a workout, I am going to complete it. So it makes me angry when a crying child ruins my best of plans (and I am pretty sure that anger is not the appropriate response to a hungry child waking up after a wonderful night of sleep). Secondly, working out and a quiet time are big priorities for me as they keep me balanced spiritually, emotionally and physically. I need them as much as you need food. I'm not kidding. Without them, I get depressed and negative and I can’t work my way out of it.

Anyway, this morning I decided that I just need to let go and relax. I need to get up and try for a workout and if I don’t get it all in before one of the girls stops me, then ‘that’s how the cookie crumbles’. I decided that I need to adopt the mentality that anything is better than nothing. And stopping in the middle isn’t quitting, it is getting as far as I possibly can under the circumstances. “Do your best and forget the rest” (our favorite quote from Tony Horton). Besides, it's not like I can't go for a walk a little later.

So, I tell you all that because I was at church again tonight and one of the songs was supposed to be God talking to us about how He loves us so much that He just wants to spend time with us…that all those things can wait for a little while longer, spend time with me, just a few minutes, just spend a little more time with me, I love you. Funny thing was, my first response was that it made me sad because it reminds me of how I feel about M. I say stuff like that all the time…the grass can get longer, spend time with me…you don’t have to check your email right now, spend time with me. And I thought, “If that’s all He wants, I’m his girl! I know just how he feels.”

I also realized that all the stuff I had accepted about my workouts was the same stuff that I needed to accept about quiet times. I don’t have to have a ‘perfect’ quiet time with God for it to ‘count’. I don’t have to have half an hour of uninterrupted conversation with Him. I can start and stop as many times as I need. I can start and get as far as I can and whatever that is, it is better than nothing.

So, when I sit down at the kitchen table and I pray, it’s good. Five minutes, ten minutes, whatever I can get, I need to take it…HE will take it. I am not short-changing God, short-changing God is not doing it at all…not starting because I can’t finish…not trying because I can’t do it ‘right’. Besides, it's not like I can't sit down and talk some more a little later in the day.

So this is my challenge (to me as much as you): think about how much you love the most important person in your life. Think about how much you cherish every moment you get just to be in their presence – even if you don’t talk – just to be together. And then realize that God loves you more than you could EVER love anyone and His desire is just to be with you. To talk to you and share his heart with you. Love him back. If your life allows you to have blocks of dedicated time, use it. But if your life is too unpredictable for that, do what you can, take what you can. Anything is better than nothing at all.

God Bless and Good Night!

6 Month Pics

Emily is doing very well on her new diet and I even spotted some cellulite and a roll at the top of her thighs today. If you look carefully, you can see a double chin forming. :)



She is suddenly 'crawling'. It is not up on her hands and knees, but she gets wherever she wants to go with a combination of army crawling, rolling and lunging from a crawl position. She is very active and in that frustrated stage of knowing what she wants but not being able to do it. She's not even close to sitting but that is due to the continued stiffness in her leg muscles. I know she will crawl in the traditional manner before she sits, we'll see about walking. You know how she is making her own charts for growth? Well, I guess she is also making her own developmental path.



Oh and the obligatory eating of the ladybug.



Everyone keeps asking how I am doing...yeah, not sure how to answer that. Basically the way it goes is that anything that rubs up against my skin (including the seams of clothes) causes a red rash to develop and then I itch and if I scratch it, I get a welt that goes away in an hour or so. And this has been going on for about a week. Today seemed a little better and it was the first time I haven't just been irritated all day. So I am hoping the new 'diet' (eating only food I have eaten all my life and prepared in my own kitchen) is kicking in and kicking out the allergy. I still have no idea what caused it and am a little nervous to find out. I also run out of medicine tomorrow so that will be the real test of whether it was a passing problem or if I have to get more serious about figuring out what is wrong.

Otherwise, just trying to keep two little girls entertained while staying out of the heat of summer. K is teething again so I have been going for walks in the evenings just to keep the fussies away...yep, it's still over a hundred when I go but the sun is low and the wind keeps them cool, plus both girls stop crying withing ten minutes, so it is worth the sweat.

Great News!

We are full of good news tonight! Let's start with the fact that Emily Grace is 6 months old (adjusted)! She is a whopping 12 pounds 9 ounces and is finally gaining weight at an acceptable rate for us - her parents, forget the drs, I have decided they will never be happy. We will have pics shortly but the first round didn't go so well so we will try again tomorrow.

Second, today is what I have decided to call "Equality Day" - that means 146 successful days at home so far! Recall that Emily was in the NICU for 146 days and starting tomorrow, we have officially been her parents (and by that, I mean caretakers) for the longest of anyone! I know it's hard to get that, but try for a moment to imagine what it is like to have someone else care for your baby for five months and you take a back seat to her care...watching from the sidelines. You are NEVER the expert on your own child and a million different drs tell you how to raise her best. This day makes me feel like we are finally OFFICIALLY her parents...tomorrow is the first day of the rest of our lives. Our lives, as a family. Ah, I am going to let that sink in. Oh, and by the way, that makes US the experts, so back off GI, I will decide what is best for my daughter! (Okay, not really, I got a little carried away, but it just feels great).

Lastly, we were at the BPD clinic today and they have decided to take her apnea monitor away and that means ONE LESS DR!! The clinic has decided that Emily is doing well enough that her care can be followed by the GI specialist, her pediatrician and the various therapists she goes to. The clinic appt is a three hour appt every month and now I don't have to go! Yipee!!

Feeling Left Out

So apparently, in my sub-conscience, I must have been feeling left out of the allergy issues in our family. For the past two days, I have been itching from head to toe. Nothing was helping but I was going to tough it out until Monday and then last night I broke out in a rash and hives. The weird thing is that the rash moves around to different body parts. Crazy.

Anyway, today, once M got up, I went in to urgent care and was told I was having an allergic reaction...most likely to something I ingested...no kidding huh?

So they gave me a steroid shot...which I had an 'adverse reaction to'. I almost passed out and threw up and...it was stupid and made me a little angry. No one's fault, just another thing that can't be just a simple fix in my life. An hour and a half later, I started to break out again...yep.

I took some antihistamine, which I found out I was not supposed to. But the itching has stopped for now. I have to get some oral steroids tomorrow for when the shot wears off and my hip feels like I lifted way too hard on it and it is two days later...for the weight lifters, they get it. So I still have no idea what I ate or drank and if it is going to go away, but I just can't believe the irony of this. I catch myself flipping between laughing in disbelief and wanting to rip my skin off. Well, a couple of shots for the road. Ha! Get it? Shots...I hope these are the only ones I am taking soon.

Look who made it into the stroller...she did this, not me, look how perfect those little toys are!

Okay, one K story: we were outside and K picks up a toy with a spider on it and we both see it at the same time. I calmly tell her to bring it to me and as soon as she is in reach, I grab it and throw it away from us. Then I go kill the spider (all with Em in my arms). When I turn around and K is crying. I tell her it's okay, mommy just had to kill the spider. This helped immensely as she continued to cry and point at the toy. I gave her back the toy and she hugged it and didn't put it down for the rest of the evening.

Get this, she was sad about the poor toy getting 'hurt'. For real? She is ALL girl. I have no idea what God was thinking giving me girls. I am sure He was sitting up there thinking of the funniest thing he could come up with and turned to Gabriel and said, "Watch this! I am going to give B not one, but TWO little girls. They will cry about everything and not only will she not get it, it's going to drive her crazy! Ha!". :) Don't worry, the sweetness of the situation was not lost on me. It broke my heart when I realized what I had done and I apologized and hugged and kissed the toy for her. It is the tenderness of a little girl's heart I am learning to get used to. I find that side of it incredibly refreshing!

I have resisted pulling these toys out because Em is not supposed to play in them (they delay walking) - don't panic mom's of normal babies, normal babies aren't impacted...it is only in preemies cause they are slow to overcome bad habits. Anyway, they aren't the ones trying to keep a fussy baby entertained. So I set it up high enough so Em can't touch the ground and then only put her in it for a few minutes twice a day. BUT K has decided it is a great climbing toy, so twice the entertainment, worth it all. :)