The first sunny day in about a week meant Em got to try exploring the grass again.
I can't get K to smile or look at the camera for anything! I think if I offered her a million cookies, she'd say "No", and shake her head back and forth. She is definitely in the no pictures mode, which is sad since Em is finally looking up at me.
This just made me laugh...yeah, Emily, Mommy doesn't know what that is supposed to be either...she is saying cheese and looking at me, I guess technically she is following directions.
On our way to church.
Just pulling them off the top of my head, these are a couple of the actual questions/comments directed at me while I am out with the girls:
Em in the umbrella stroller at the store...Are you sure she is big enough to be in that stroller? Don't you think a bigger stroller would be more appropriate?
Me on a run, yes, while running...Do you really think it is safe for your children for you to run with that stroller? (I own a BOB - the luxury vehicle of strollers, designed for runners).
Me carrying one girl in each arm, a diaper bag and purse...My, you have your hands full!! Yes, I do. Do you think you could get the door for me? Oh! Yep, hold on.
Oh, she's adorable - even with the glasses.
Oh, that's so cute putting glasses on your baby!
Does she really need those glasses?
How old is she? Followed with - She's pretty small then!
So my sister-in-law and I tend to talk to each other about the number of complete strangers who feel free to talk to you (or at you) when it comes to your children. Let me explain. She and my brother are pale faces (love you both!) who adopted two Ethiopian boys...need I say more? If you want to know more about that, go to her blog - below under Ben and Mo. I, on the other hand, have a little baby with glasses and two little girls who are incredibly close in age (and looking closer as time goes by). If you use your wildest imagination, you would not come up with the things people say to us, but the looks are even better. They say so much more. My favorite, however are the people who think you can't hear them. Oddly, when I share these things with people, they tend not to believe me. I won't put the most brazen on here as I don't appreciate them, but they are there. Trust me, I don't make this up. Here is the most tame and normal of what I am talking about...an excerpt from my journal.
"Ah! I had to go to wm today and I was in a rush. How infuriating it was to deal with all the questions. I am so tired of the questions! I try to be polite but sometimes I just want to blend in and have people completely ignore me. (Pause)
Boy! Does my mood utterly change how I view these questions or what? When I am not in a hurry, I don't mind answering questions. In fact, I see them as an opportunity to educate the public and brag about my little fighter. But when I am in a hurry, I just see them as another nuisance keeping me from achieving my goals of getting things done. Yet other times, in a rush or not, I just don’t want to deal with it. In those times, I wish I could just go to the store and have no one stare at my baby, my kids or me.
I suppose I should write this down so I don't forget. Whenever I go out, and I mean literally every time I go out alone with the girls, multiple strangers and I will have conversations a little like this: Are those real prescription glasses? Yes. How did they know she needed them at such a young age? Well, she was very premature and was in the hospital. Eye problems are typical of the very premature so they had been watching her eyes from the beginning. They could see them forming incorrectly, plus, she had no ‘fear response’ (didn’t flinch when an object was brought near her face) so they knew something was wrong. Oh. How did they know what prescription strength to use? Well, they look through the lens of her eye at the back of her eye (the retina) and it looks blurry. So they hold lenses in between their eyes and her eyes and when the back of her eye becomes clear, they assume the two lenses have cancelled each other out and that is the lens she needs to see. Wow! That’s amazing! Isn’t modern technology great? Yes it is. Well, she is adorable anyway. Thanks. Have a great day. You too.
Or the other conversation: Wow! Are they both yours? Yes. You really have your hands full! Yes, I do. How close in age ARE they? Nine and a half months. (Insert crazy looks) No, we aren’t that crazy, this one came way too early. I was only six months pregnant when she was born. OH. And then they walk away. This same conversation often goes like this: How old is she? 20 months. How old is she? 11 months. (Pause while they do the math) No, we didn’t do that. This one was born four months early so they ended up that close even though they would not have been if she had been full-term. Oh. Is that why she has the glasses? Yes. (cue the conversation above)
Oh wait, and don't forget that IF the strangers have any connection to premature babies or babies with glasses or even one who was in the hospital, I get to hear their entire story as well. Plus the part about their nieces, nephews or someone whose kids are only 14, 15, 16, 18 months apart. “It’s really hard in the beginning but it is SO much fun once they get older!” Yep, that’s what I hear.
If we talk long enough, I always get asked if Emily came early because we got pregnant so soon after K. (Yes, strangers ask that). The answer to that is NO!!!! There is no explanation for placenta previa. I had a normal pregnancy and a normal birth with K. This was so far beyond rare that my dr didn’t even catch it. Look around you, there are lots of siblings born just over a year apart…apparently I run into all of them now that I can relate.
They are harmless conversations really, and I want to educate people, but this takes time. I have started adding chunks of time to my plans just to accommodate the strangers I know I will run into.
The funny thing? If M or someone else is with me, no one asks questions. Well, maybe one or two very bold people ask but for the most part, there is peace."
I am kind of complaining in that entry but mostly just documenting life. Yet, three days after I wrote it, out of the blue, I had a friend tell me, "Isn’t it great how God timed all of this? Even down to how close the two girls are in age. When they get older, they are going to look like twins and people are going to ask you about them all the time. Think about all the opportunities you are going to have to share Emily’s testimony JUST because of how close they are!" I have to admit, my first response was not joy and elation like hers. My heart sank and I thought, ‘Yeah, great (with just a touch of sarcasm)’. But you know what? She is right. My perspective is all wrong. I need to remember every day that God brought Emily here to bring glory to HIS name and my responsibility is not to get so busy with what I think is important that I push those people away. I need to pause and honor Him and if that means talking to complete strangers about my kids, I’d better get used to it…every single time I have that opportunity.
Sometimes we think that the things that make us different are such negatives, but for the rest of my parental life, I am going to have countless opportunities to share God – through Emily – to complete strangers that I meet along the way...because Emily looks different. I need to embrace these encounters and even look forward to them. There is nothing in this life that is so important that I need to miss sharing God with someone. Maybe strangers will come to know God because we slowed down and talked. I lose focus so fast, I am glad I have friends who bring me back and a God who just keeps taking me in! If you don't have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, email me (in the post on 'yearbook') and I'll tell you all about it. If you do, pause, take a break and share the only thing you have worth giving to others with the people around you.
