People keep asking me what we are doing now that we are back from vacation and besides trying to get back into a routine, get ready for Em’s dedication and plan her people-less birthday (see below), one thing we are doing is starting to prepare for the cold and flu season. Already? Yep. Since Emily was born in the winter (November 6) and spent all but the last couple of weeks of last years’ cold and flu season in the NICU, this winter is considered her first cold and flu season in the real world. And because she has BPD (her lung condition) she will also get the shots for RSV. The season will start sometime this month and end in March or April of next year.
What this means is that we have to do what I call “go into hiding”. Emily is not allowed to be in any public places that involve groups of people or closed in facilities. We have to avoid all contact with anyone who has even the most minor cold or flu symptoms. And hardest of all, we have to keep her – and K - away from children. The problem is that the little ones can’t tell you they aren’t feeling well and they tend to slobber on each other as well as all the toys, and the big ones go to school (aka coldopolis). School-age children are the worst, followed by toddlers…which eliminates, umm, let’s see, everyone I know.
This is hard for me on a fundamental level as I believe it is irrational to think that you can prevent your children from getting sick. Kids get sick. You and I get sick. Everyone gets sick. As my friend puts it, “I tried to find a bubble to put my daughter in, but no one seems to sell them.” So it frustrates me beyond all reason that I am supposed to try to prevent the impossible. I have been told to accomplish the impossible for soooo long now and I have fallen short in every area and yet Emily is still here and still growing and developing, so I have kind of stopped listening. But on this one, I can’t take any chances. This is the future of her breathing life and another potential stay in the hospital, an environment where we have established that she does not thrive. I want to do all I can to protect Emily, so staying away from groups of people and people who are obviously sick, I get. Keeping our house sanitary, I get. Staying away from everyone so that Kylie and I don’t get out, don’t have friends and don’t have a life of any sort seems unhealthy to me. I have been praying/thinking about this for some time (since the drs have been bringing it up since July) and I have decided that there has to be some sort of balance. I want to do all I can, but it has to be within reason.
So my current plan of action (not to say it won’t change) is to start with me. My theory is that if I am ‘healthy’, my household will be as well. And whatever goes on from there, I can deal with it. First of all, I know I have to be spiritually and emotionally stable and connected. I need to go to church, have playdates and run. Since I can’t take either girl to the church or nursery and my husband works or sleeps during church hours, I have to somehow find someone (or several people) who does not have kids at home, has a job that has low exposure to other people and is willing to give up their Saturday evenings so I can drop off my toddler and baby with them…oh, for free. Sound impossible? That’s why it’s God’s job.
I have also decided to go ahead and have playdates for Kylie and I, just on a small scale…one, maybe two other moms and their kids and once or twice a week. And I will just have to be strict about symptoms, as even runny noses can put Em in the hospital. (I will honestly be flabbergasted if K isn’t the one who gets Em sick). I will likely visit Poppy and Nana more just to get some breaks from the monotony. And I will train for a race of some sort…maybe a marathon? IDK, it’s hard on your own.
Honestly, I would be okay with this, but K breaks my heart. She LOVES to be around her friends and to go to places like the nursery. And I feel like I am telling her, “I know you are perfectly normal and should be out playing with all the other kids but since your sister is a sick little girl, you can’t be out with the other kids. You can’t go to nursery and you can only have one or two friends. You can only play with said friends one at a time. AND, if you DO get sick, you won’t even be allowed to be around your sister. You will be in the same house but you can’t play together and you can’t go near her. Have a great winter!” It is one thing for me, as an adult, to prepare for being lonely and know that it is just for a time. It is entirely another thing for a toddler (who is now starting to ask to visit friends…”car zeh-zeh” is her most common request) to be isolated and have no idea why, just knowing that she is bored and mom won’t do anything about it.
So anyhow, you could pray for us in that. I need to be creative with ways to keep K entertained and stimulated while we are at home and wisdom to know when to take her places and when to abstain. I need to take it one day at a time and I need to walk the tight rope between sanity and safety. I need to keep fighting what I believe is a losing battle and I need to not worry about offending others or hurting their feelings when I refuse to be around them just cause they have a runny nose or there might be what I consider too many people there. I need to do my best and trust God for the rest.
