Erickson Adventures

I was sitting here pumping when I realized just how much I am bracing myself for the next downturn in Emily’s health. I know she is doing well, but I also know there are more ups and downs to come. But what struck me – again (just deeper) - is the harshness of the impact of living day to day in the unknown of your child’s health and even life. It has been amazing to hold her and finally feel, at least a little bit, like a mom, but it is in this joy that the contrast displays itself even more clearly. I find myself cycling through the same struggles as early on, but at deeper levels. This time around, it is the issue bonding and freely holding all my love out there for her without letting the fear of her leaving me hold me back. But that isn’t why I am writing today, just wanted to let you know where I was at to give you context.

Tonight, I read Psalms 9:9,11: “The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble… Sing praises to the Lord, enthroned in Zion; proclaim among the nations what he has done.” This reminded me that at church the other night, we sang a song about God being our strong tower and the righteous run to it and are SAFE…and I wrote these words in my notes: “There IS safety in our God. That is EXACTLY what it is – safety. He is ALWAYS there for us. For some reason I have always had this lingering doubt or fear that maybe, somehow, someday I will go through something or do something and it will be too much and maybe this time he won’t be there for me. What a ridiculous thought! And yet I buy into it. What is the TRUTH? The truth is that he has NEVER left me. Each time I go through something that is worse than the last, his presence is even more real. So real, I can’t deny it. In this time when my world has CRASHED around me, he has been right here, making sure I KNOW he has me. And that peace, that sense of comfort, the overwhelming reality of his presence, has been even stronger this time around.”

And THAT is why those of us who are going through tough times MUST proclaim the goodness of God to everyone else. It is not that we can’t know these truths in good times…we can and we do, but it is in these bad times that it is impossible to deny the truth. And in our set convictions, we must remind others. It is when we are comforted by his spirit alone and there is no confusion, that no matter what our pain, we must declare to others …He’s still here! Don’t doubt. No matter where you go or what you do, He will be there. He won’t let you go. He can’t let you go.

And the end result is inevitable; we MUST praise him…not because we think everything is great but because he is God. Because he is faithful. Because he is who he says he is, and therefore he deserves praise…period. Our lives and the crap we live in here have no bearing on how much or how willingly we offer our praises to our Father. He is worthy of praise, therefore we give it to him. Praise him on the mountaintop and praise him in the depths. I am just here to remind you that he WILL be there and he IS there, so praise him now. Don’t wait for whatever it is you are waiting for. He deserves your praise in this moment.

Even now, as I reread this, I am ‘convinced’ that Emily will tank because I have written this. I want not to post it for fear of the resulting attack and the fear that I can't handle anymore and maybe if I lay low, I will be safe. What an evil temptation to believe. First, I choose not to live in fear. GOD is in control. What I have written is truth and it stands. Second, GOD is my strong tower. I will run to HIM and I WILL BE SAFE.