Disappointing Eye Results

Well, my heart is sad today as the reality of our visit to Emily's retinal dr sinks in. As it turns out, her eyes have already taken a dramatic turn for the worse. Or as they say it, "Her eyes are severely more near-sighted than these glasses are accommodating." Apparently Emily's weak eye may be up to 7 diopters weaker than her glasses (which are already -12) and both eyes are crossing in when she tries to look at something close up. She isn't using her weak eye like she should either so it is drifting inward too much.

In other words, we need new glasses cause her eyes have gotten way worse since we saw her doctor only four months ago. Most likely she needs bifocals. We can't get in, (because of the holidays), until the middle of January and then it takes a while to get glasses this small so there is no quick fix. Her weak eye is also getting lazy, so we have to start patching again. This morning she was very upset about it and kept pointing to her patch and softly crying while taking her glasses off to get at it. It made Mama quite sad.

If I am honest, I have a lot of pictures like the above with evidence of her eyes turning in but I never post them on the blog cause, well, it's sad.

Anyway, I came home and cried a little as the reality of the frailty of her eyes struck me once again. As you pray for her and the physical issues of her eyes, also please pray for me in that God will open my eyes to the dreams HE has for her. One of the hardest things for me to accept in all this has always been the death of all my dreams for the baby I was bringing into this world. Each time that I thought I had lowered my standards far enough, something would happen and I would have to lower them further. I tend to think, "So she won't be an athlete or a pilot or even be in the regular classroom for a while, but at least she can be a dr or accountant and do something with her brain." And then her eyesight gets worse and I say, "Well, not a surgeon but maybe family practice?"

I find that I cling to her having some sort of sight because in my mind if she can see and read, she still has opportunities out there for her. So when I get smacked with the reality that she could very likely lose her sight completely someday, I crumble all over again. I believe in my heart of hearts that the plans God has for her are awesome and worth every moment we go through with her. The problem is that when I am in my Mama moments and I see one more thing being taken from a little girl who wasn't given everything to begin with, little doubts creep in and I start to wonder if I can keep trusting.

All of that to say that I am starting to think that maybe I just need God to open my mind to what HE has in store instead of getting stuck in my own world of possibilities and impossibilities. Maybe He just wants to prove He can make the impossible possible and I need to let go in utter faith and stop trying to figure it all out in my head. I need to let go of what my brain tells me and trust that God is good and that He designed Emily and carries Emily and loves her so much more than I do and that His purpose will be perfect. Pray I do that all the time, not just most of the time.  Thank you.

God Bless! Your prayers are welcome in this home!