Redefine or Refine?

We must exit the south and return to the north! Aw, cuties at Jini's house for a couple days.

I put all three of these in because of the youngest - she is two - so two. :-)

Lily is trying to do her best...

BFF

So back at home, life goes on...Em learned to photobomb on this vacation.

Twinsies!

This was all at small group night.

Now that it is spring we are actually going to attempt to have a small garden - because apparently we don't have enough going on.

All right, these are for Nana and Poppy E - they asked for more pics of the girls doing riding lessons. Em is getting better at controlling herself, which is helping her ride on her own now. Riding horses will also have many good effects on her gross motor skills, so even though she isn't really that interested in riding, she will get to stick with it.

Ah, the lighting was so good I had to take photos of the one not riding too!

Coco is going to have babies. Em is fascinated by this. This is her examining Coco and shortly thereafter I was informed of her findings, "Mom! I found three 'milk suckers'. So Coco is going to have three kittens!" I'm sorry but I could not keep a straight face, so she clarified, "What? It's true, one for each baby."

K is a total natural on the horse. She is already in the same place I am in the training...all right, maybe she is ahead of me.

And of course Girlz Nite was back on as soon as we got back. There's nothing like duct tape night. Crazy kids! These pics were taken by one of the girls...otherwise, I don't remember these things. :-)

In other news:

Last week I began to see a physical therapist. The pain in my knee has kept me from running for almost a year now and I finally decided that I would like to run again so it was worth going to the doctor. Long story short, I have ‘runner’s knee’, an overuse injury from years ago. Does that really surprise anyone?

Anyway, after a brief history of my knee/life, she paused, looked up and said, “Wow, so you have really had to redefine yourself several times in your life.” A comment which I smiled at, considered, laughed, and responded a little awkwardly, “Yeah, well, I guess so.” This made her frown at me as she said, “Good thing you can laugh about it. That’s not easy and it’s no small feat.” I just smiled and we went on. Something about her comments bothered me, but at the time, I couldn’t place it.

Now that I have had some time, I think I have figured it out. You see, from her perspective, she is absolutely right. But that’s just it - her perspective is missing the One critical element that changes all of that.  As a non-believer, who she is defined by what she does and how well she does it. As a Christian, “who I am” comes from God and what He says is true about me. As a follower of Jesus, my worth has not come from what I do or how I perform. “Who I am” has never had to change…only what I do.

This concept can be hard to fully grab hold of, but for a missionary kid moving from Africa to a small town in rural Minnesota, I was first forced to choose whether or not I believed it while in the midst of my teenage rebellion. As an athlete, I was further forced to attempt to master my identity in Christ or be thrashed around on the highs and lows of athletic and academic performances. I knew I couldn’t live that way and I chose to believed what the Bible said about me – that I am loved and precious and more valuable than any treasure on this earth (and so much more!!) – not because of what I do but because of what Jesus did. God chose to love me. I did not offer anything to gain the love of the One true God of the whole entire universe and thus I cannot do anything to lose that love.  I was not honoring God by winning; I was honoring God in the way that I won, and even more so, the way that I lost.

I wish I could tell you that I mastered this perspective in high school, nope, but I was definitely on the path toward it. I had a taste of the freedom of living in the truth of what God says of me and how He sees me and I saw how this let me live free of the boxes this world wanted to put me in, and I liked it. They taught us in high school to answer the question, “Who am I?” with the answer, “I am a child of God”. Annoyed, people would then be forced to ask the question they really wanted the answer to – what do you do? And this got in my head.

If you imagine that my life is like a tree, as the roots grow down, they can grow into different kinds of soil – Jesus and the Word, or the millions of things this world offers as substitutes. When I went to college, I chose God, again. But I spent five years being nothing but a college athlete on a successful team, surrounded by successful people. As conscious as I was not to let that in to my pride, pieces still made it in. So, when I was no longer a college athlete, there were small roots that had to be torn up and redirected back onto the Rock, into the good soil of Jesus. It wasn’t too terrible though because who I was still sat more firmly in the camp of a “child of God”.

After I taught high school for seven years and really felt like I had that career thing down, God changed it all up again. This transition was harder, mostly because I didn’t really like babies nor aspired to motherhood, but also because, once again, I had to let go of all the roots that had grown from the accolades of being in public service with kids. ALL my roots were redirected to the soil of Jesus. So of course there was motherhood and then Emily, followed by homeschooling and being the parent of a special needs kid, the move up here and the ranch and the youth. All of these experiences have kept my roots close to home – in Jesus and the Word of God. He has never changed. He has always been there. Through all of the change, I have been able to be steady because the rock on which I stand is steady. So, no, I haven’t had to fully redefine myself. I have just been asked, repeatedly, to refine the direction of my roots so none of them wander away from the Rock.

Now, does this mean I’m perfect or it isn’t hard? Nope. I wish. But it means it is possible. If I can get there part way all these times, then there are people who do this successfully every time and maybe someday, that will be me. Maybe when the next change comes, I can pray that by the grace of God, my roots will be found to be so close to the Rock I barely notice the change. It’s worth a hope. 

Have a wonderful day! God Bless You!